Film Essays

Why is it that we, as individuals, have tendencies to claim spaces, physical or metaphysical? We attach ourselves to self-claimed domains, whether they be in the home or in public, and then the situation arises where we may want to share that domain with others—this is intimacy. Take the man you witness sitting in the same seat in the coffee shop you visit every morning. You wonder to yourself, why does he always sit in the same spot? And the answer becomes clear to you—he has claimed this space, made it his own, he feels comfortable here, it is a place of connection with oneself. Intimacy comes into the picture once that space is shared with another. And it is the depth, the pursuit of, and the ups and downs of that shared connection that this paper will examine—within films.

Lauren Berlant, author, profesor, and co-editor of Critical Enquiry, an arts and humanities journal by the University of Chicago, defines intimacy as a shared experience between two or more people, “Intimacy also involves an aspiration for a narrative about something shared, a story about oneself and others that will turn out in a particular way.” (Berlant 218). Berlant makes a list of crucial points about the concept of intimacy, which will be reiterated throughout this paper in how they relate to the films mentioned and analyzed. She argues that intimacy is a natural human desire, something that stands at the core of human nature and exists within all of us. With that being said, intimacy is always at risk for being shattered one way or another. She begins her piece with this pivotal statement, ““I didn’t think it would turn out this way” is the secret epitaph of intimacy” meaning, that as driven as individuals are to pursue intimacy, the pursuit of intimacy always stands vulnerable to failure, unmet expectations, and other misfortunes that may cause its demise (Berlant 281). It is the pursuit of and the loss of these intimacies which make up the human experience.

Along with this, Berlant makes the additional, key point that what intimacy means and stands for is more than its presupposed definition: sex. There are three branches of intimacy: the family, the friend, and the couple. One can argue that these are the three most basic types of human relationships, and so intimacy, or connection with other people that is, exists within all of them (Berlant 281). This paper will examine the pursuit of intimacy, and the loss of it, within the films Lila Says (Ziad Doueiri, 2004) and Lady Bird (Greta Gerwig, 2017). Also examined will be how these films use stylistic elements under the umbrella of film form in order to intertwine them with the film’s narratives in order to emphasize the core stories and concepts of said films, and how they ultimately relate to Berlant’s points about intimacy.

 Lila Says:

Lila Says is a lot about the attempt to create a space, a space shared between two people, but not a physical actual space, more so a conceptual one defined by feeling and connection between two people. Lauren Berlant does well to describe this- she says the pursuit of intimacy can, sometimes, create intangible spaces, “intimacy builds worlds; it creates spaces and usurps places meant for other kinds of relation” (Berlant 282). These spaces are more defined by the connections people made with each other, and whether they were “impacted” or not, Berlant states, “It can be portable, unattached to a concrete space: a drive that creates spaces around it through practices. The kinds of connections that impact on people,” (Berlant 284). This is all to say that this type of intangible space, powered by intimate connection was present in Lila Says. Was Chimo, the protagonist, impacted by his romantic counterpart Lila? Yes. Evidence of this exists in his diary entries and narrations about her, “The first time I saw her, I stopped breathing… she spoke with a voice so sweet, you’d believe in miracles,” So how would one argue the film’s stylistic and narrative conventions worked to portray the existence of a romantic intimate space between Chimo and Lila? 

The scene in which Chimo and Lila sit in the waiting room at the clinic is very telling of their overall ‘intimacy status’ and the way it resides within their socio-cultural context. First: Chimo sits alone, and begins by narrating a potential conversation between Lila and himself in his head—with close ups on his thoughtful face while we hear his voice narrating in the background. The camera goes in a circle around his face all the while as well—visually defining, through cinematography, the romantic occupation of Lila in his thoughts, “Lila, do you want to go away with me? / Yes. Where to? / We’ll see, as long as we’re together.”

And then Lila appears, in the flesh, and they have a real-life version of the rehearsed conversation in his head, out loud this time. What does this remind you of? Berlant’s point, ““I didn’t think it would turn out this way” is the secret epitaph of intimacy” (Berlant 281). His proposal for them to run away together in his head turns into, “If I loved a man, I’d want him to see me fucking someone else.”—this is her proposal of connection which Chimo is phased, confused, and discouraged by. Consider Berlant’s point on the reasons the pursuit of intimacy can go awry, “Romance and friendship inevitably meet the instabilities of sexuality, money, expectation, and exhaustion, producing, at the extreme, moral dramas of estrangement and betrayal, along with terrible spectacles of neglect and violence even where desire, perhaps, endures.” Berlant intuitively asserts for us, the things that can go wrong in a relationship, like unfulfilled expectations and betrayal, and Chimo and Lila’s is no exception (Berlant 281). Their relationship did meet the instability of sexuality-- Lila’s provocative conversation prompts a taken-aback-ness and confusion in Chimo that threatens the smooth-flowing nature of their relationship.

One more thing to note about this scene—if we are considering the obstacles Chimo and Lila face in bringing their intimate space into existence—this scene carries one. As Lila goes on about her fantasies of sex and love, she receives bizarre and offended glares from others (adults) sitting in the waiting room—the camera cuts away to show these two-second-long glares. Her remark, “I’m wet just thinking about it” prompts an elderly man to get up and exclaim, “You slut!” to her and storm away. Lila’s out-of-place, seemingly excessive sex-talk might seem vulgar and confusing to someone on the outside, but this discourse serves as a verbal symbol of Chimo and Lila’s exclusive space—their connection was founded upon and feeds off of this sexually charged discourse—yet it serves as more than just a perverted conversation. Lila’s sayings denote to her sexual liberation. In this sense, her sayings completely turn the objectification of women on its head and rather allow her to assert her sexuality freely. Additionally, their exclusive conversations denote to their specific, shared space—one in which all of society looks down upon (take the offended onlookers in the waiting room, and Mouloud’s toxic masculinity)—Chimo and Lila have a connection that is founded upon sexual liberation and assertion—devoid of objectification and misogyny—especially since Lila is the initiator of this connection. However, their connection has trouble finding its footing and staying alive—why is this? The disapproval from people around them—“You slut!” from the old man, or Chimo’s mother, “She’s indecent… It’s sinful to display your thighs.” And Mouloud’s fateful comment, “Don’t keep her to yourself”—their relationship does meet the inevitable struggles of estrangement and even violence. Estrangement due to the fact that society largely subscribes to misogynistic ideologies and that is the reason why Chimo and Lila have such trouble keeping their (sexually liberated and feminist) romance. Violence because of an instance like Mouloud raping Lila at the end. 

Lady Bird:

Lady Bird is a lot about the connection (aquiral and loss of!) between a teenage girl, Lady Bird, and her mother. This connection falls under the umbrella of familial intimacy, focusing on a mother-daughter relationship. 

One of the stylistic elements employed most expertly here, is the common method of creating a parallel between a film’s opening and closing shots. One can examine these in lots of films in order to get a visually symbolic rendition of the moral of the story. The significance of these images is not to be undermined. Jack Nugent, video essay creator and head of film analysis youtube channel, “Now You See It” echoes the notion that the parallels drawn between a film’s opening and closing shots can reveal much about the film’s core story, “Directors just about always use opening shots to convey the film’s main ideas, premises, or character arcs” (Nugent 00:01:16-00:01:22). Let us examine Lady Bird’s opening and closing images: the film opens with a shot of Lady Bird and her mother sleeping, side by side, face-to-face. Compare this image to the final take in the film: Lady Bird--alone. She’s just finished leaving a voicemail to her mother, ending with the words, “I love you, thank you.” in attempt to mend their broken relationship. 

Left: Lady Bird and her mother, together. Right: Lady Bird stands alone, connected to her mother only via missed call.

Visually comparing these shots, what can one infer about the premise of this film? It is clear that a coming of age has happened--one in which a teenage has girl split from her mother and ‘left the nest’ so to speak. The split between Lady Bird and her mother, and the conflict that has taken place between them denotes a crack in their intimate relationship. The proof is clear in the images themselves-- the first shows the two together, sleeping in bed, sharing a space. The second shows Lady Bird alone, not sharing a space with anyone. Stylistically, the first image features two bodies asleep, clean faced, wearing pajamas. The second shows a single girl, awake, her worry-stricken face, mascara stains on her cheeks- a contrast from where she started. The first image contains lighter, softer colors while the second image features a sharp and dark New York City backdrop. All of these stylistic elements come together and integrate with the narrative in order to illustrate the relationship there--that the intimacy between Lady Bird and her mother has been compromised, broken, and even lost, going back to Berlant’s point that intimacy is constantly vulnerable to failure, and that failure has occurred in this narrative, an additional reflection of human nature. Their relationship did meet the instability of expectation, being that Marion had certain expectations for her daughter about her behavior and choice of university, while Lady Bird had contrasting expectations for herself… and for her mother, wishing that she would accept her academic choices. Their relationship ultimately fractured because of this issue, resulting in feelings of betrayal for Marion. 

Lady Bird also takes the time to display, stylistically through set sections of the film, parallels between Lady Bird and her mother. This is important to the narrative because it additionally stands for and emphasizes the notion of the narrative that Lady Bird and her mother are more similar than they think, being mother and daughter as they are, yet the nature of their conflicts say otherwise. Take the scene in which Marion drives home, with views of Sacramento suburbia narrated by music. Compare that to the scene at the end in which Lady Bird leaves a voicemail to her mother about her first experience driving in Sacramento, “Did you feel emotional the first time that you drove in Sacramento? I did and… I wanted to tell you but, we weren’t really talking when it happened. All those bends I’ve known my whole life, and stores and… the whole thing.” and as she narrates, the film cuts away to images of Sacramento, the skyline, bends in the road, restaurants, bridges, neighborhoods, sidewalks, graffiti, interlaced with parallel images of Lady Bird driving and her mother driving. The film verbally narrates (through Saoirse Ronan’s monologue) and visually illustrates (through quick takes of the city) the parallels in which Lady Bird and her mother encounter, even if it is as simple as a drive home. One can argue here that the two encountering parallel car rides equals an experience that was shared, and therefore it is intimate, “Intimacy also involves an aspiration for a narrative about something shared,” (Berlant 281). Consider this: the drive home served as an element of  coming of age for Lady Bird, since it was her first time driving. For Marion, however, it wasn’t her first time driving by a long shot, so it was more of a time she spent alone, and also a scene of self introspection and identification. She is already an adult, so coming of age doesnt strictly apply to her, but it is clear that Marian’s drive home affected her, just as it affected Lady Bird, even if they were affected in different ways. What stands out here is that they both came across an experience that colored in their character, reaffirming the notion that their experiences, by the film’s stylistic and narrative definition, are intimate, since they were parallels in character building, visuals, and narrative. 

In examining the films Lila Says and Lady Bird and how they stylistically and narratively feature occurences of intimacy for their protagonists, one can learn how these relationship are illustrated on screen for our understanding. The presence of intimacy in Lila Says affirmed Berlant’s intuitions on intimacy and alluded to human nature by showing how intimacy doesn’t always turn out the way we think it will. Lady Bird’s narrative operated primarily under the familial umbrella of intimacy and also affirmed the point that intimacy falls short of our expectations and is subject to failure, as part of the human experience. From examining intimacy in the narratives of these films, one can conclude that the human experience is not unique. It is the mark of true film and a true story when it has the capacity to tell stories about real people, about us--we see our own narratives, experiences, and ups and downs projected on screen. And in special cases, these films also present solutions to our problems, which is why paying attention to these made-up, yet true narratives is important. Intimacy isn’t only part of the human experience. It is how we seek warmth with one another; it is how we seek bonds that are stronger than any material gains.